Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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