Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
