The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
