i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
