When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
All I want is dick and wine.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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