So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
