I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
