Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
