...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
so much tequila, so little girl.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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