Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
