does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
