you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
