I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
