I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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