guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
