I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
