Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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