Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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