Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
