Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
