i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
