toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
