i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
