Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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