I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
