I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm at about main and main street
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
