My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need water and some morals
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
