Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Randomize
