i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
