So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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