we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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