I just saw a hot homeless man
I am spending my child support on dildos
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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