Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
