I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
