Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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