Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
