me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
