what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
