listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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