I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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