my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
