I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
