Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I wish there were birth control emojis
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
