I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
