I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
