woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
His hands were made for my vagina.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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