Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
