i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
