trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
