Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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