like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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