I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
