pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
