I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
